The Truth About Angels
by dontcryMasha
Summary: AU. Dean's life is in such a mess that he actually tries something he never thought he would; prayer. But the results yield a truth and love that he would never imagine. Oneshot. Destiel. Some brief smut.


_I'll be there watching from way up high_  
_ The shadow you can't see when the suns in the sky_  
_ Wondering eyes have no disguise_  
_ It's obvious that this love never dies_

* * *

"Hey, Sammy…"

I stepped inside the room slowly, carrying my body with a heavy weight in each step. As my feet crossed the linoleum floor, I inhaled deeply and listened to the bleeping of the heart rate monitor. All sorts of machines up against the wall flickered and hummed, displaying numbers and figures that meant nothing to me. Nothing except how much my life had changed.

Taking my usual seat, I plopped down and put my knees to my elbows, hunching just a bit and staring at my little brother. They must have shaved him that morning since his face was nice and smooth, but it still didn't move. Yes, his chest rose and fell, but nothing more. They weren't even sure if he could consciously hear, but that didn't stop me from talking to him. Every day.

"So I uh, went to mom's grave yesterday. You know, like every week. It was…good. Everything's good."

Sam's face remained calm. I leaned in a little and stared at him with a frown. "You gotta come around, Sammy…"

_Bleep…_

_Bleep…_

The machines continued in the empty, lonely room. I sat back in my chair and stared at the floor. For ten months now I had been coming into that hospital and talking to my almost-lifeless brother. In that time I basically lost everyone else. Mom had been dead for a long time, but now dad ran off to God knows where since he "couldn't take it anymore." Any friends I had sustained basically disappeared since I apparently grew so morose that they didn't want to be around me. But what the heck is a guy supposed to do? I didn't know if Sam was coming back and he was my entire life. How do you move on from something like that? You don't. You just deal with it every day and hope it somehow gets better. But as much as I told myself that Sam's state could turn around, I knew that it was over. It was only a matter of time until he actually died; until then I was a slave to his condition.

Looking at his face, the softness of his motionless cheeks and the almost serene closing of his eyes, I knew that this was useless. There was no way I could save him. How? I'm not a doctor. I spent a little more time there but then got up and left. It was too painful. Every day hurt more and more.

As I rounded the corner before the elevator, someone came fast and bumped into me. "Hey!" I spurt out, but when I glanced downwards and noticed it was a nun I felt kind of bad. "Oh, sorry."

"That was my fault entirely," she apologized behind a pair of thin glasses. "Entirely. Forgive me."

"That's uh, fine. Don't worry about it."

Oddly enough, the woman touched my arm and glanced up at me. Her face looked very sad all of the sudden.

"You alright, lady?" I asked.

Ignoring my question, she said "You're worried about your brother."

"Wha?" My eyes widened.

"You should pray for him."

"Wait, what?"

The nun let off my arm and continued on her way without another word, but I turned and tried to yell out to her. The hallway had a few people in it but not enough to get away with any shouting, so I closed my lips tightly and kept going towards the elevator. That was weird. Too weird for me, but…

There was a little room adjacent from the elevator door that said **prayer room**. As I clicked the down button, I kept glancing at the room. I hadn't prayed in like two decades. Religion wasn't something I really thought about. When life is this shitty to you, you tend to give up on God. But maybe that nun was onto something. I mean, it couldn't do any _harm_. The elevator arrived and opened but I went into the other door.

It was a small, darkish corner of a room with a few short pews and a little makeshift altar made out of an end table in front. They had set out a couple different icons from various religions and probably some other things I didn't recognize. Feeling awkward and out of my element, I stepped inside and took a seat. Luckily it was empty.

I rolled my shoulders a few times and clumsily folded my fingers together. Looking around and then finally down, I cleared my throat and mumbled, "So uh, I forget how to do this but…Our Father, who art in…shit, I forget. Does it even matter? I mean, if you're listening to this, God, then do you care exactly what words I'm saying?"

The room was so silent it felt awkward and I seemed like a real moron talking to myself. I could hear the elevator pinging outside and people get into it. My lips thinned and I frowned just slightly.

"I want Sammy to be alright," I admitted to no one. "That's all. I don't care about dad or anyone else, I just want Sammy to get out of this and be fine. Is that such a big favor to ask? I don't know. I don't know how this works. Can't you reach down with some big hand and fix him? Or, or…"

I opened my eyes and stared at the little altar in front of the room. There was a painting above it that had Jesus and a couple other dudes. They were angels, obviously. I stared at them for a moment then sighed, realizing how stupid this whole ordeal was. Nobody was listening. Sam wasn't gonna get any better.

I sighed real loud and walked out of the prayer room, concluding it was a waste of time. Since when do I take advice from nuns, anyway? I could almost laugh at what I had just done and when I stepped inside the elevator I did. I folded my arms and I chuckled, maybe because there was nothing else to do _but _laugh.

"Hello," someone said. I suddenly jumped and noticed a guy standing next to me. I must have really been out of it since I didn't even realize this guy was there with me. It felt a little weird but I calmed down quickly.

"Uh, hey," I said with a stiff swallow. The illuminated **L **button seemed to flicker slightly as I looked at it.

This dude was standing real straight and stared at the elevator doors. His eyes were narrow and he looked very focused.

"What is the matter?" he asked.

"That's none of your business, buddy," I quickly retorted. I didn't like him or his trench coat. He looked really strange.

"Why are you so distant?" He asked.

"D-don't talk to me, man. I don't know you."

The doors slid open and I immediately ran out into the lobby. Concerned, I looked back at the weirdo but he was already gone. Maybe the stress of life was finally bearing down on me and I was finally gonna crack up.

I did my best to drag my ass home right away. The entire ride was dismal and shitty, but what else could I expect? My head was swimming with struggling thoughts and my heart was heavy with all sorts of crap.

I came home to the same fucking apartment, empty and barren and missing my brother. I didn't work the next day so I was in the clear to drink. Instantly I popped into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of whiskey, which I drank straight from the top since nobody else was gonna have any…

My legs wobbled over to my sofa and I flopped down. I put my feet up on the armrest and chugged more of the alcohol. I flipped on the TV and prepared for another long, shitty night, but as I looked at the screen it appeared to be flickering.

"Hello."

I heard a voice and I immediately shot up off of the sofa. The bottle dropped from my hand and thumped onto the floor, thank God not smashing but it spilled. I didn't even notice. I turned around and saw that _same creepy guy _from the fucking elevator standing in my apartment.

"THE FUCK!" I shouted, slowly walking backwards towards the bookshelf where I keep my gun. "DID YOU FUCKING FOLLOW ME?!"

"Do not be afraid," he said rather calmly.

"Like hell I won't! Get the fuck out of my house!" My hands groped behind me and slid into a shelf, where I presently pulled out a handgun. I held it out towards the stranger as a threat but he didn't seem moved. His feet kept stepping towards me and I aimed my gun right at him. But the guy held up his hand, motioned his fingers at me and the gun went flying from my grasp and across the room. I froze. I inhaled sharply and stopped breathing.

"What…" I gasped. "The fuck…are you…"

The mystery man continued to step closer and closer. His eyes were ice blue, serious but also rather comforting. He tilted his head to one side as he walked and came right up to me. "Why are you afraid?" he asked in a soft tone.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?!" I screamed.

"You asked God for assistance and he delivered."

I tried to catch my breath and focus on this guy. My eyes narrowed a little and I looked him over. "Wait," I muttered. "You trying to tell me that you're a…"

"An angel of the Lord," he answered.

Somehow I felt relieved. There was a stranger in my house, claiming to be an angel but I felt relieved. My shoulders relaxed and I wet my lips with my tongue.

"An angel," I verified.

"That is correct," he said.

"And what is your 'angel' name?"

"I go by many, as do all angels. Kafziel, Qasphiel, Cassiel…lately they have been calling me Castiel."

"_Castiel? _You can't have a normal name?"

The angel tilted his head further and stared right at me, almost as if he was reading through my soul. "What is normal?" he asked. "There is no normal. These are names that humans have given me."

"So what's your _real _name?"

"It is impossible to speak."

I sniffed. "Okay. So this is God's plan for me? I say a hokey little prayer and they send some dude with a weird name in a dirty trench coat to help me out?"

Castiel nodded. "That is correct."

Feeling a little more comfortable, I shoved my hands into my pockets and loosened my joints, jittering my legs a bit. "What sort of God does that?"

"You misunderstand the concept of God, Dean."

I looked up at him. "You know my name?"

"Of course."

"You realize that's a little creepy, right? I mean basically everything you've done so far is _creepy_. I don't see you being holy or majestic or any of that crap."

Castiel exhaled slowly but kept his eyes fixed on me. "Why are you so stubborn, Dean?"

"I'm not being _stubborn_, I'm just questioning what the heck your deal is."

"There are no deals. I do not make deals. I am here to protect and to assist."

"Right, right," I said, rolling my eyes. I was already getting sick of this guy. "So I gotta ask; you gonna save Sammy?"

"I cannot do that," Castiel said. My heart sank.

"Are you kidding?!" I asked, suddenly growing a bit heated. "You can't even help me with what I need? Then why the fuck are you here?"

Castiel sighed and looked up. "Humans," he muttered. "You are very result driven, that is your problem."

"What do you mean…"

"Are you aware that millions of angels currently walk the Earth?"

I blinked hard and stared back at the angel. My spine slumped slightly and I tried to think about what he said, nodding slowly. "Millions?" I asked.

"That is correct. There are seventeen in this room with us as we speak."

After those words I nearly choked. My body locked up and I looked around the room with wide eyes. "Seventeen? There are _seventeen _angels here?"

"There are always angels, Dean. We are in constant motion."

Castiel lifted his hand and for a brief, almost impossible moment, I saw a whole bunch of bright lights fluttering around my apartment. They came and went so quickly that I thought it didn't even happen. Then I blinked and looked back at Castiel.

"Th-those were angels?" I asked in a gasping whisper.

"Yes. That is what we truly look like."

"Then why are you…uh…why do you look like _that_?" I asked, pointing to his human form. Beneath the tan trench coat there appeared to be a business suit. Castiel looked down at his clothes, then back up to me and stared with his blue eyes.

"I am attempting to be inconspicuous. Blending in."

"So you don't really look like a guy?"

"No. I have modeled this body after an image that would be pleasing to humans. Is this not pleasing?"

I looked him over a few times. The human form seemed to be somewhere in his thirties. He had messy dark hair and could use a shave. As far as I could tell, the actual body was in pretty decent shape beneath the heaping, dirty clothes.

"I wouldn't say _pleasing_," I stated, clearing my throat. "That's a little weird. But I guess you look human? I mean, I always thought angels wore robes and had wings and shit."

"We often do that, yes," Castiel said. "That is a very effective way to gain the attention of you humans, but you seem more practical than that."

"I guess…"

"Or do you prefer this?" Castiel asked. In an instant, his body glowed a bright warm light and suddenly a set of big, soft wings fluttered out from his back. His hair grew long and flowing and he was wearing a toga looking thing. I swallowed hard but couldn't look away. I had to admit, there was something beautiful about it; being alone in my apartment with this divine being in front of me. It _was _effective.

"I uh," I stuttered, taken back by the warm glow. "I like the holy tax accountant better."

"You are referring to my previous form," Castiel said in a way that I couldn't tell was a question or a statement. The light faded and he went back to the trench coat 5 o'clock shadow look. The room settled.

"So you can look like anything you want?" I asked.

"I am bound to this body for four years so I cannot change the skin and the bones, but I am capable of shifting everything else."

"That's crazy," I said.

"It is cosmic law," Castiel stated. I finally mustered up the courage to walk past the guy and into my kitchen, where I went for the fridge and took out a beer, having spilt all my whiskey.

"You uh, want a drink or something?" I asked awkwardly.

"I have no resson to drink or eat," said Castiel.

"Life of the party here, huh?"

Castiel turned to me and stepped into the kitchen. I tried to relax but it was hard with this dude staring at me. It seemed that everywhere the angel went, lamps and lights would flicker. "This is why I prefer to work invisibly," he said.

"What d'ya mean?" I asked, cracking open a beer. It was gonna be a way longer night than I had originally planned.

"These angels that are surrounding you constantly," Castiel explained. "They work away from your vision; behind the veil. That is mostly how we operate. Often times, we archangels appear in dreams and work on other celestial planes, but very rarely do we make ourselves physically noticed."

I gulped down a bunch of beer stiffly and raised my eyebrows at Castiel. After clearing my throat I softly asked, "So why me? Why are you physically here for me?"

"It felt appropriate," Castiel stated. "I was given a message to aid you, and I decided it was time for you to learn a few truths."

"_Truths? _Like what? My brother's gonna die and God can't help for shit?"

"Please allow me to explain," Castiel said. I chugged some more beer and sat up on the countertop.

"Go for it, feathers."

He shot me a strange look then cocked his head and continued. "Angels perform cosmic duties. We are eternal watchers of the universe and we are constantly 'upkeeping' life. There are many degrees of us and we work from tiny duties, such as the growth of plants and animals, to grand ones like moving time and the destruction and creation of stars."

I furrowed my brow at all of this and allowed him to keep talking, even though it was mostly going over my head.

"When we are involved with human matters, we can only control so many aspects of their lives. Each human soul has a purpose and a duty, most of which is created and altered based on their own decisions. We can assist when asked and when in dire need we are capable of helping without permission, but for the most part we are merely watchers."

"Sounds kinda sad, right?"

"No. It is our duty. Our job."

"I gotcha," I said, taking another sip from the can. "So basically you're saying you can't do shit to help me."

"There is plenty I can do," Castiel said.

"Like…?"

"I can teach you about the universe and restore your faith."

I sighed and grunted. "This is _weird_, man. How come you just decide to up and teach me about everything? Cosmic law and all that shit? But why can't we be born knowing this?"

Castiel looked away momentarily. His eyes glittered in the flickering fluorescent lighting of the kitchen.

"What?" I asked, trying to bring him back.

"Perhaps…" Castiel muttered. His eyes came back to me and they looked almost sad. "Perhaps we aren't supposed to tell humans these things."

My mouth fell open a little and I stared. "Why—tell—me?" I asked slowly.

"It seemed appropriate."

"But _why?_"

"I cannot explain."

"Alright, alright, listen," I said, setting my can of beer down. I hopped off of the counter and walked up to Castiel, who barely budged. "This is _really _a lot of for me to take in. Too much, I think. So maybe you can go back up to heaven or whatever and give me some time to chew over everything you've said?"

"Of course," Castiel agreed.

"Okay thanks, 'cause—" Before I knew it, he was gone. That motherfucker disappeared and left me in my kitchen alone. The lights steadied and everything settled. I downed much more alcohol and passed out on the sofa.

* * *

I woke up around eleven with a pounding, painful headache. I was surrounded by crunched up cans of beer, telling me I drank a lot more than I had expected. I stretched out and cracked my back, groaning loudly from the fogginess in my head. I felt horrible.

Struggling not to vomit or fall over, I got to my feet slowly and wobbled over to the kitchen for a glass of water. Just the sound of the faucet running made my head throb with pain. _Wow_, I thought to myself. _Some night_. I had wicked crazy drunken hallucinations or _something_. I rolled my head back on my neck and grunted loudly.

"Hello, Dean."

Someone spoke and I suddenly shouted. My head screamed in pain and I looked in the direction of the voice where I saw that trench coat-clad guy from last night.

"I didn't mean to startle you, forgive me."

"You're _real?_" I gasped. "That shit last night was…fuck…it was all _real_?"

Castiel inhaled slowly and stood his ground. "Yes," he said. "It was very real, Dean."

My head hurt even more now. "Uggghh," I groaned. "There are angels everywhere."

"Yes," Castiel repeated with a soft nod, but then he narrowed his eyes and looked a little concerned. "This disturbs you…"

"Well yeah! It does! A fucking little!" I yelled at him, clutching my head with one hand. The pain was overwhelming. "Some weird guy shows up and tells me all sorts of crazy shit about the world, I _think _it's a little bit disturbing."

"I'm sorry," Castiel said to me. "I did not intend for this to cause negative feelings. Perhaps it was a mistake, telling you these truths."

I closed my eyes real tight for a second then put my glass in the sink and briskly walked out of the kitchen, leaving Castiel in there. I trudged down the hallway and went into my bedroom, slamming the door. When I turned around I saw that Castiel was in there with me now.

"What the fuck, man!" I yelled in frustration, bottling up any surprise. "You're gonna show up anywhere you want?"

"Why are you so angry?" Castiel asked.

"THIS IS CRAZY!" I shouted, hearing my voice crack just slightly from my yell. It hurt my throat and I sat on my bed and rubbed the back of my neck. "My head is pounding, these angels are fucking crazy and you're a god damned stalker."

Castiel sat down next to me and glanced in my direction. His hands sat in his lap and he hunched just slightly. "Again, I apologize," he said. I looked at him in the corners of my eyes. "I am trying to help, you must believe me."

"Then make Sammy better!" I hissed.

"I cannot do such a thing, Dean," Castiel said. He looked down at his hands and exhaled. "If Sam dies, then it is his time."

My lips pressed together and I let out a stiff breath of air. "_Don't talk like that_," I sneered. "Don't talk about my brother like that."

"I am sorry," Castiel apologized. "Realities that we angels understand as normal can be quite daunting to humans. My 'people skills' are not always perfect."

"So what? What are you gonna do?" I asked, frustrated.

"I will give you company."

"Great. That's what I want," I grumbled sarcastically.

"We can visit Sam together," Castiel suggested. I glared at him.

"Sure," I said. "But uh, do other people see you?"

"Yes."

I got up off of my bed and went to get dressed. I closed the bathroom door but Castiel said, on the other side, "There is nothing to hide from me."

"Yeah, I get it. Just feels weird to undress in front of another dude."

"You seem to forget that I am not human."

"I remember, I remember," I said, rolling my eyes as I zipped up my pants. "But you seem like a guy to me. And that's what matters."

"I am sorry that this is an issue for you," said Castiel. I quickly brushed my teeth then came out of the bedroom. The angel was standing near the door.

"It's fine," I said, shrugging. "Everything about you is crazy and weird. I dunno what to think."

"Once you gain a greater understanding," Castiel explained. "You will feel considerably more comfortable. I guarantee this."

"Whatever you say, man," I said, walking in front of the angel to my closet, where I pulled out a jacket and slipped into it. "So we going on what?" Castiel nodded.

He followed me downstairs to the parking lot, staying quiet and walking softly right behind me. I put my hands in my pockets and looked down as I pressed on. "So other people see you as a guy too, right?" I asked.

"That is correct," said Castiel. We rounded my car and I got in, but the moment I sat down, the angel was already riding shotgun. I looked at him quickly the closed my eyes.

"You can't move normal?" I asked angrily.

"I will try for you," he said.

I rolled my eyes and started the engine with a loud rev. As we left the lot and headed down the road towards the hospital, Castiel sat up straight in the seat and stared forward.

"So uh," I began, darting my eyes over at the angel occasionally. "What's the point of you coming to the hospital with me?"

"To observe. To teach."

"Sure, okay."

I drove us to the hospital parking lot and parked around back. The car pulled into a good space and I shut off the engine then looked at Castiel. He turned to face me and stared blankly as usual.

"You're frightened," he said softly.

"I don't get frightened, buddy."

"But you are," Castiel insisted. His head slowly cocked to the side and he leaned in close to me. I backed off a bit. "Why are you frightened?"

"I-I'm not," I retorted. Men didn't usually get that close to me. "I'm just a little freaked out about this whole angel thing."

"Humans are terrible at facing the truth," Castiel said.

"Whatever, man. Let's just go inside."

The angel nodded and put his hand on the door lever. He gripped it oddly and tried to pull at it. I watched him and couldn't help but smile. "You know how to use it?" I asked, chuckling. Castiel's eyes narrowed and he looked very, very concerned.

"This is troubling," he said, still fumbling with the lever. "How does one operate such a device?"

"Just like this," I said then reached across his lap and pulled it correctly. It popped open and he stared.

"Interesting," he hummed.

"It's only a door, man."

"Correct."

We both got out of the car and headed inside the hospital. The elevator took us up to the third floor and I showed Castiel my brother's room. We stepped through the door and I saw Sam lying there as usual. Castiel immediately walked right up to him and stared.

"You got anything? Anything about him? Cosmic truth or whatever?" I asked, probably sounding a bit desperate.

Castiel analyzed Sam for a moment then turned to me. "He is far. Very far away."

I frowned. "Okay. What's that mean?"

"His consciousness is on a higher plane."

"Again, what's that mean?"

Castiel closed his eyes momentarily and when he opened them he seemed annoyed. "You ask too many questions," he stated and turned around, leaving Sam's room.

"Wait, wait!" I spurt out. My instant gut reaction was to reach out and grab the guy by the arm, keeping him inside the room with me, but the moment my hand touched him I was filled with a bright, warm sensation and I was nearly knocked off my feet. It made my head swim and I felt like passing out. "Wh-what wazzaat…"

Castiel faced me and stared. "I would advise against touching me again," he said.

"Why? What was that?" I asked. My head came to better and I regained focus. Castiel was still just staring.

"Unbridled ethereal power," he said. "It is far too intense for a human to handle."

"I can't touch you?"

"My apologies."

Something on his face changed and he looked upset. His eyes closed tightly and then he muttered, "I must go, Dean. But I will see you again."

"Hey, wait! Castiel!" I yelled but it was too late. The angel was gone. I sat down in my usual chair and stared at Sam, frowning. "This is crazy," I sighed. My brother's empty body breathed gently through his tubes.

* * *

I worked and visited Sam as usual, every night to be drowned in booze, but the angel did not come back. It seemed strange at first but I actually missed him. Maybe in those few hours we spent together he had begun to grow on me. It was a little strange, but the sensation I got when I touched his arm was, though slightly scary, enjoyable. I wanted to feel it again and I event dreamed about it.

Yes, the dream. I had passed out on the sofa in front of the TV, wearing just my boxer briefs and grasping a bottle of whiskey in one hand. It started in that position and doing those things so it seemed particularly weird. In the dream, Castiel walked inside my living room and lay down alongside me on the sofa. I sleepily reached out to him and wrapped my arms around his body, feeling the fabric of the dirty trench coat beneath my hands as I stroked him. His warm, intense angel powers flowed through me and I smiled, rocking my head back.

"I told you not to touch me, Dean," dream Castiel said in a sassy whisper. I smiled and pulled him onto my chest, running a hand up to the back of his head. Messy clumps of dark hair layered in between my fingers as I stroked him, breathing heavy from his wonderful ethereal power. The big, fluttering wings he had created before grew from his back and displayed marvelously over us, then they came down and wrapped our bodies together.

Castiel closed his eyes and let out a soft moan. "Dean," he hummed. I rocked my hips up at him and opened my mouth, letting a soft groan ooze out.

"_Cas_…"

The dream ended and I awoke immediately. My eyes fluttered then opened and I gasped just a bit. Beneath my underpants I had a big, hungry boner that soaked a little spot with precum. The bottle of whiskey gently slid out of my grip and I brought my hand to my crotch. Still sleepy and out of it, I rubbed the outside of my boxer briefs softly. My mouth opened and I mentally returned to the dream. The wings holding us. The moans. The rubbing. My hand tightened around my dick and I sighed to myself. "Oh, Cas…"

Then consciousness came back. My eyes opened real wide and I pulled my hand away from my crotch. _Seriously?! _Was the first thing I thought. _This is an angel. An angel in a man's body. Stop it, just stop it_. I felt so dirty and unclean, and I rarely feel dirty and unclean no matter what I do.

My body shifted uncomfortably on the sofa and I cracked my back. It was a very awkward sensation, but not nearly as bad as when I got up and saw that Castiel was standing beside me.

"WAAH!" I shouted, trying to cover myself. Instantly my face turned red hot, but the angel was just staring at me with the usual blank expression on his face.

"Hello, Dean," he said calmly.

'W-where have you been?!" I asked, choking on my own humiliation. I hoped he couldn't read minds.

"If you must know," said Castiel. "I required distance from you."

"Huh? Distance? Whaddya mean?"

"It is a complicated matter," he explained quickly, looking away. I started to walk backwards towards my room to get some clothes on. "I would advise you stop further questions regarding it."

"Uh, alright, sure," I said, going into my dresser and putting a shirt over my bare chest. Castiel remained in the living room. "So what? Why are you here now?"

"I am checking on you," the angel said.

"Hey listen, I appreciate that and all, but I really don't need checking in on."

"It doesn't hurt," Castiel said. I stepped into a pair of pants and came back into the living room where he was gazing out of the window.

"Yeah but you probably have more important things to do," I said.

"I am an observer, Dean," Castiel explained. He looked at me but I turned away. It felt weird to see him after that creepy dream. "My level of human interaction is relatively low in comparison, and thus gives me plenty of time to visit with you."

Furrowing my brow, I walked to the kitchen and tried to pull together something to eat. Castiel remained in the living room, just standing there motionless.

"But uh," I began. "Why me, Cas?"

I heard the angel walked to me and when I turned around he was right there. His head tilted and he asked, "Cas?"

"It's easier than Castiel," I told him.

"Interesting," he said with a very pensive face. "That is a first."

"Really? I just uh…thought of it." I cleared my throat and popped two frozen waffles into my toaster. "But seriously man, why me? Why waste all of your time with me?"

"Do you not deserve proof of divine love?" Cas asked in a soft voice. My body locked up just a bit.

"Divine love?" I verified.

"The angels all love you, Dean. We love every human. I felt it necessary to express this to you, to prove it."

"You _love _me?"

"Not in the traditional sense that humans call love but yes, I do."

The toaster clicked off and I took the food out, moving about unsteadily as this weird man or angel or whatever basically confessed his love to me. Every day I thought it was as strange as it could be, but the next would prove me wrong.

"You aren't gonna follow me around at work, right?" I asked.

"No, of course not."

"Okay, thanks."

Castiel soon left and I went on my way to my job. The day carried out at a usual pace though my mind kept running back to the angel. I really wished I still had a lot of friends because it would have been amazing to tell them what was going on. I mean, I basically was given proof that God existed. But people don't listen anyway; even if I did tell them they'd probably assume I was full of shit. Oh, well.

When the day was over, I clocked out and walked down to my car. On the way to the parking lot I realized I was being tailed. I froze in my tracks and looked over my shoulder.

"Can't you just say hi instead of following me?" I asked.

"My apologies," said Cas.

"It's like you're obsessed with me or something," I told him, starting to walk again.

"That is not my intention."

"I get it, I get it; you're awkward with human stuff. It's cool, man. But I'm telling you not to follow me like that so don't, okay?"

"I understand."

I rolled my eyes as my car approached and got inside. Cas fumbled with the outside handle but managed to open it (almost slammed the door into the car next to me) and he sat inside. I started the engine and looked over at him. He was staring forward at the windscreen, blue eyes twinkling in the little bit of light from the parking lot lamps. The whole concept of having an angel follow me around was actually pretty cool.

"Hey, Cas?" I asked softly.

"Yes, Dean?"

"When I uh, touched you?" I cleared my throat and looked down at my hands. "And I felt that ethereal power or whatever?"

"Yes?"

"Is it actually dangerous? Like can it hurt me?"

"No, people cannot be hurt from touching me. But it could be a sensory overload. The power may potentially warp your ego."

"Whatddya mean?" I started to drive out of the lot.

"Your human perception of life could change," Cas explained. "Understand that all humans have a greater, higher power within in them that is reflected in the soul. You are familiar with everything I know and practice but you cannot comprehend it in this physical form."

"O-okay," I agreed slowly, not really catching on too well.

"Do you know about auras?"

"Nope."

"Some humans can see them. They are a layer of light that extends a few inches around your physical body. They often have colors and people interpret them in many different ways, but essentially the aura is a bit of the soul that is larger than the physical body."

"That's crazy."

"It's what you are, Dean."

"So my soul is just a," I stopped for a second and sighed with a smile over what I was saying. It sounded _totally _crazy. "Just a shape of light? That's all I am?"

"That's all?" Cas repeated. "Dean, your higher self is a vibration of perfect light. It is pure. It is flawless. It is eternal and it is incredible."

"Getting a little too weird for me."

"I am sorry, but this is what I have been saying. It is nearly impossible for the mortal vessel to contain the ideas of cosmic law."

"I getcha. You're right."

"Of course I'm right, I'm an angel," Castiel said this and looked out his window but I laughed.

"Did you just sass me?" I asked, chuckling.

"Perhaps."

"I bet you could be funny if you wanted to."

"I could."

"Why aren't you?"

"There is no reason to be," Cas explained. I heard him sigh just softly. "Technically I can be or do anything I wish, but there is no reason to. Human desires and needs do not affect me."

"Oh," I said. We pulled into my apartment complex and I found a space. The car switched off and I got out as did Cas, this time without much of a struggle. "So uh, you really don't need food or sleep or humor or uh, sex?"

"No," Cas said. We walked back towards my building.

"None of that?"

"The true soul has no need for it."

"Wait wait," I said, hitting the up button for the elevator. "So when I die and I'm just a soul basically, right? I don't need sex?"

"That is correct."

"Bummer. This life's not looking so bad."

"It's not like that, Dean. When you pass over, things change."

Now I felt kind of bad. The truth was starting to sound really, really lame. I looked at Castiel and he glanced back at me but then he turned away quickly.

"What?" I asked.

"It is nothing," he answer immediately. I tried to look at him more but then he disappeared.

"Wait, Cas!" I called out but it did no good. The motherfucker was gone.

* * *

Another dream. This time I was in bed and Castiel was beneath me. We were locked in a tight embrace and I was penetrating him deeply. His lean, smooth body rocked under my weight as my hips thrust inside him.

"Dean," he moaned, tossing his head back into the pillows. My hands gripped at his shoulders tightly and I drove my dick in and out of his ass.

"Take it, Cas," I whispered. He groaned louder and even cried out, twisting himself under my body and scratching at my chest. "You're a naughty little angel, huh?"

"Y-yes," he gasped.

I began to thrust into him harder, plowing and ramming his tight ass hard. He moaned loud and broke the skin on my chest with his nails. Somehow he was lying on his wings and they came around to hold me. The feathers tickles my back and I groaned. The base of my dick throbbed hard and I knew my orgasm was imminent.

"DAMN!" I yelled, but it wasn't inside the dream. I woke up and I was in bed alone. I was hit with a big wave of embarrassment all at once. "Why," I muttered to myself as I dragged my sorry ass out of bed. I tried to make the morning wood go away on it's on, but as I walked to the bathroom it was still very strong beneath my underpants. I flicked on the light and went to the sink where I washed my face real quick with coldish water. When I looked up, I saw Castiel standing in my mirror.

"DAMN!" I yelled again and turned around quickly, covering my boner with my hands. "What are you doing here?!"

"Observing," said Cas.

"How long have you been here?"

"If you must know, all night."

My eyes widened. "All night?!" I yelled, blushing heavily. "You were watching me all night?!"

"It's nice to see you safe," Cas said.

"Okay, okay, okay. Shadowing me all day is cool but this? This has got to stop." I dried my face with a towel and went out into my bedroom to get dressed. Castiel followed.

"You cannot give me orders," he said.

"I know, I know. But angels have to listen to prayers and stuff, right?" I pulled a pair of pants up and slid on a belt.

"They don't have to," Cas said.

"But you will?" A tank top went over my chest and I adjusted it accordingly. Cas just stood there and stared blankly.

"If it troubles you then I will go," he said.

"No, no," I told him quickly. "No, stay. Sorry. It's just weird, right?"

"Weird is a difficult concept for me."

I nodded slowly. "Alright," I said, feeling kind of bad now. I didn't want this guy to go anywhere. "Stay. But you gotta tell me something."

"If I can, I will."

I turned to Cas and looked at him. He stared back with his big, deep eyes. The more I looked at him the more I saw his beauty.

"Why?" I asked slowly.

"Why what, Dean?"

"Why me? Come on, Cas, you've gotta be able to tell me this. Why watch me sleeping? Why follow me around?"

Castiel blinked hard once and looked away. "I am very fond of you, Dean," he said.

"You love me, I know, but—"

"No, I am very fond of you."

"Whatddya mean?"

The angel breathed out slowly and turned away, walking towards the window in my bedroom. His forehead scrunched up a bit. "Dean," he began. I stepped closer to him a little. "I have been observing you since you were born. I have been watching out for you."

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yes, of course. Dean, I am…"

My room fell very quiet. I could hear my own breathing and even his. Then Castiel turned his head to me and looked straight in my eyes.

"What?" I asked, swallowing hard.

"I am your guardian angel, Dean."

For a moment I didn't breathe but then I sucked in very sharp breath. I had to blink a few times as Cas just stood there, staring back at me, and I felt tears building up in my eyes.

"My…guardian angel?" I verified in a whisper.

"That is correct. My job is to watch out for you, and I have been doing this. Do you remember when you were five years old and your father was heavily intoxicated?"

"That's my entire life, buddy," I said, trying to smile but crying a little instead.

"There was an incident where you, being a child, ran off with important documents we was using and you ripped them up in the kitchen. He was enraged and out of his mind at that moment and he nearly threw a chair at you. But I intervened and I knocked the chair out of his hands. I made him collapse and I then put you to bed."

"You put me to bed?"

"Yes."

"You touched me?"

"No."

"How did you—"

"I did, Dean. These questions are best left unanswered."

"Okay…well, thanks, Cas. If you had told me this sooner it woulda made more sense."

"Guardian angels aren't supposed to reveal themselves."

"Why not?"

"We believe that humans will grow dependent on us and not grow at the rate they are supposed to."

"Hey man, I don't get dependent. I don't even need you, Cas. I can handle my life on my own. But uhh…it helps to know you're there."

"I understand."

I shifted on my heels and looked around awkwardly. "So uhh," I said in a quiet voice now. "You know about the…the…uh…"

"Dreams? Yes." Cas answered quickly and my face turned bright red. I couldn't look at him. "There is no reason to be ashamed, Dean."

"But is that really—"

"Yes."

"Who's coming up with the dreams?"

"You."

"But are you following along—"

"Yes."

"Oh."

I closed my eyes real tight. "I'm not gay," I whispered.

"I understand," said Cas. "There is no reason to feel ashamed. I promise you. I cannot pass judgment. I respect every opinion and feeling you have."

I folded my arms and squeezed a few more tears out, feeling like a total pussy but if he really couldn't pass judgment then it didn't matter.

"What is troubling you?" Castiel asked softly.

"I just…I just really wanna touch you."

"I know. I'm sorry."

I looked up at him and frowned. "Can you touch me?"

Cas took a few steps closer to me. "Dean," he said softly. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I thought you couldn't hurt people?"

"If a person touches me they cannot be injured, but if I touch them I can. I cannot _kill _but I can hurt."

"Why? What sort of God does this?"

"It is humans and their inability to believe. You put up these so-called barriers and you cannot understand what angels are truly like, therefor we can hurt you."

"I don't understand," I sighed. "But I know that I wanna touch you, or have you touch me. I just want to believe that, okay? I just want to know that you're actually this cool angel and really…"

Cas walked right up to me and got only three inches or so away from my face. He was a bit shorter than me and I had to look down just slightly. I was able to stare deep in his eyes and see all sorts of blue shades. Small white lights twinkled far away in the corneas, almost like a big vast universe. I thought I would feel nervous but instead my body was relieved.

"If you truly want this," Castiel said. "Then I will deliver."

He reached out and placed his right hand on my shoulder, which immediately singed and burned hot. I inhaled sharply and closed my eyes. It was pain at first but then it felt good. I sucked in more air and blew it out, grunting a little. Without even thinking, I reached up and put both of my hands on his face and pulled him in for a kiss, closing my eyes. The moment my skin touched his, my whole body lit up on the inside and flushed warmly. Our lips touched but he didn't move very much. Then I pulled away and upon opening my eyes I saw his big wings for just a moment.

Castiel looked at me and almost blushed. "This is out of place for me," he whispered. His hand slid off of my arm and fell to his side again. "Are you happy now?"

"Yeah," I said, nodding. I felt peaceful, all things considered. "That was nice."

"But, Dean," said Cas.

"Mm?"

"I have said too much, I have shown and done too much."

"Huh?"

"This will be my last physical appearance in your lifetime."

"Wait, what?!" I gasped and instantly the tears returned.

"I am sorry, Dean. But remember that I am always around and always watching you. Please pray to me and I will listen."

"No, no! Cas, no!" My fists balled up tightly and I felt hot tears run down my cheeks.

"I am always here, Dean," he reiterated. "I am always here."

"NO! You can't! I love you!" my words choked out of my mouth.

"I love you too, Dean. And we will meet again once you pass over."

"No, no! Cas, wait! I have no one! I have _no one!_"

A smile spread across the angel's lips. He nodded slowly. "I will have something done for you," he said.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Goodbye, Dean."

"No! Cas!"

And just like that, I was alone again. My room was empty and I could only hear my sad, choking breathing. I assumed he was still there.

"I love you, Cas," I whispered. A little breeze blew by me and hugged almost. Yeah, he was still there.

* * *

I went to see Sam later. It felt really lame to be going there alone now. In the short time I had gotten to know my guardian angel, he had really grown on me. Grown in more ways than I wanted to remember. But I just thought about how there was no reason to judge, and after all, nobody needed to know about the dreams or the kiss.

I stepped inside Sam's room and took my usual seat. With my elbows on my knees and my hands together, and smiled sadly at my brother and mumbled, "You won't believe what happened, man."

Then something ticked. Something shifted and something beeped. All of the sudden, Sam's eyes opened. They were tired and weak but they opened.

"Oh my God," I gasped, standing slowly. "Sammy? Sammy?!"

"D-Dean?" my brother asked in a hoarse whisper. He turned his face to me and opened his eyes wider.

"Sammy?! Are you okay?!" My heart was racing.

"Yeah," he sighed. "Yeah I'm g-good."

I leaned over and hugged him. I hugged him so tight and held him so strong that I could've hurt him if he was smaller than me.

"Sammy, Sammy," I said, over and over. "You're okay."

"Yeah. Was I sleeping? Like, a lot?"

Still holding him I said, "You were out for months, man."

"What? Seriously?"

"Yeah."

I finally let go of him and stood back to give him a once over. I could barely believe it.

"What happened to you?" Sam asked.

"Whatddya mean?"

"Your arm." Sam raised a weak hand and pointed at my right arm, where my t-shirt had hitched up just a little. I took the sleeve and pulled it back all the way, revealing a big scar in the shape of a handprint.

"An angel," I said, smiling. "An angel touched me there."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Did you lose your mind without me?" he asked, laughing.

"No, no! I mean it, I…hey, you know what? It's fine. Don't worry about it." My fingers touched the handprint slowly and I smiled more. "Let me go get the doctors, alright?"

"O-okay, Dean."

I closed my eyes for a moment and left his room, not before looking back at him and smiling. That was probably the most incredible coma recovery in the history of forever, and only one thing could explain it. As I walked to the nurses' station, I closed my eyes just briefly and whispered, "Thanks, Cas." The lamp above me flickered for a second and my scar tingled. "Thanks."


End file.
